Sweet Surrender

I had the honour of taking a few classes with Kelly Morris at Wanderlust, VT last spring. A (pardon my french!) no-bullshit Buddhist teacher, she spoke to us about the importance of setting intentions for our practice, and always sending them out to someone in need. I always had a problem with this, because if I was doing yoga FOR myself, why would I want to set my practice to someone else? I had trouble connecting with it, and began to feel selfish, always taking this powerful practice and keeping it for myself. If I would try and reach it out to someone, but it would always come back to me during meditation and savasana - based on what I needed or how I felt.

This week, I found out some disheartening news about the family of a dear friend and teacher of mine before stepping into a class. My heart immediately shattered into pieces, and I was unsure about how I was going to get through this class without crying, and was partly tempted to just go home and feel the pain. But, taking what Kelly taught me, I walked into the class, rolled out my mat, and set my intention for my friend. All during class, I truly FELT my practice. I worked harder and gave it my all - rather then just doing it. I felt each warrior two extend from my fingertips out to my friend and his family. I felt the divine lift something from me, and send it miles away to a family in need. I felt connected with myself, my practice and the individuals I set in my intention.


During meditation, an image of my friend came to me. A man who gives so much of himself, was now the center of my thoughts. As I meditated on this image, I realized it was the image of him meditating back to me. I focused on him, on his love, on his life, and sat with it. It was one of those moments where I felt so connected, and when it was time to open my eyes, I felt a true shift in my mind, body, soul and where my energy was being placed.

Sure, we can all have a yoga practice and a seated practice, but when we see it come to life, and can feel it from out of our bodies, that's a wild experience - an experience some of us strive to achieve. The rest of the week, my morning sadhana and evening classes were set for my friend. I moved so willingly and effortlessly. When I taught, I was so present and aware of the students I was teaching that I REALLY listened to their bodies. Every word I said had a purpose. There was an evening class where my teacher had us extend our arms to the sky, and send the OM's out, where my tears came down so naturally, knowing my love was being sent across the country, into a hospital, where it was needed.

It's not easy to take the practice off the mat, but this week, my practice has shifted. My perspective has shifted. I learned to let go. To surrender. To be.

Blessings,
M

PS: As a side note, my darling friend flew back to NYC this weekend for our training. When I told him about my experience, he assured me that he felt the love, the OM's and the energy. We are all connected. Always remember that. Regardless of what you believe - sending the cosmic love from your soul gets to those you send it to. They feel it. They embrace it. They know. Trust me. XO.

Rollercoastin'

One of my homework assignments for teacher training this week was to write about our spiritual rollercoaster. I remember as soon as we were told this assignment, my classmate, L, let out his signature "WOAH" sound. And wow, was that response relative for the journey I was about to share with my classmates.

Thinking about my past with my spirituality, I have had many ups and downs. Right now I am on the high, but truly afraid of what I will find once I reach the top.

In high school, I was a part of a beautiful youth group that helped me accept my adolescent years. After graduating college, I helped lead the same youth group for many years and attended and helped lead religious retreats. It was as soon as I moved into the city, that I discovered my yoga practice, I began to let go of the religion I was raised on. I tried to find a connection with the Catholic church again, but losing my grandfather, my ultimate teacher, pushed me away from the church, rather then take me in. I felt hurt and abandoned.
In grieving this death, I began to roll my mat out everyday, and have my own personal moving prayer with God as I danced through these shapes and poses. I have had more eye-opening experiences with the divine during meditation or in pigeon pose, then I have ever had in a church. I have opened my body in so many ways that I have found my personal freedom. Opportunities are extended my way, because my body and mind are open and embracing all. I float around in a constant blissful state. I have found the benefits of meditating for 30 minutes every morning at sunrise. I bow to Buddha. Shiva is my OMboy. Ganesh is the reason I am the woman I am today. With all of this learned, I am finding enlightenment.

A few months ago, I came across this interview with my teacher, Dana Flynn. There is a part in here that shook me. That made me cry. That made me realize - I am not the only one who finds God outside of the church. Dana talks about God in a way that makes God more like a friend, then a holy figure. Something I truly admire, and something I hope to achieve, as right now, I still am intimidated by this spirit who gave me a life the included so many hard lessons.



I urge you all to take a few moments and watch this video, watch these movements, and think about your own personal connection with the divine. Who do you bow to? Who is your guru? What is your daily prayer? What has your spiritual rollercoaster looked like? Where do you find God?

Shanti -
M

Let's connect!

I finally have created a little home for myself on facebook at Calm Heart Yoga! Join me there for some Lotus sequencing, wellness tips, yoga insight & inspiration from my heart to yours!

As a pretty side note, teacher training is so blissful and intense. Completely overtook my life and has already changed my life, transformed my practice and helped me find my inner power and voice. Thank you for all your constant love and support, family! I am excited to teach all of you both on and off the mat!

Namaste,
M

Yoga women, unite!

This past week I had the honor of seeing the NYC premiere of YogaWoman with my soul sister/best friend, Meg.

I remember seeing the trailer and my arm hairs flying up (which is the fancy way of me saying, I got chills and the tears were a streamin'!) I studied women's studies intensely in college (enough to minor in it) so naturally, women's issues are of my main concern. But then throw in yoga, my passion, on top of something I strongly believe in, I am sold.

This documentary, filmed by a sweet couple from Australia, focuses on the benefits of yoga for women - ranging from dealing with self esteem, raising a family, the woman's moon cycle, pregnancy and birth and yes, the good stuff - the power, strength and determination of women who practice yoga.

Throughout the film, which features interviews from some of the pioneer women teachers in yoga today, reminded me of this journey I am on. I am in teacher training right now to teach a practice that was only taught AND done by men, hundreds of years ago. I am gaining balance and muscle in my body, and I am not afraid to show my strength. I am taking my career in mental health counseling, and combining it with yoga, to one day work with individuals who have been abused, neglected or who are suffering. I am changing the world, one pose at a time.

During my first teacher training weekend a few weeks ago, we had the honor of getting to sit with Paige Elenson from the Africa Yoga Project and a dear teacher, Margaret, whom she bought to the states from Kenya. As we were discussing the future of her brilliant organization, she said this quote which really sat with me:

"Do I think yoga can change the world? No. But do I think YOGIS can change the world? Yes."

The one scene that really stuck with me, was seeing the strong and inspiring Seane Corn taking the cameras down to a community filled with HIV-infected woman. Seane, along with her team, had raised money to build a birthing center for these women, so they could have their children in safe conditions. As we saw the center being built, Seane became emotional while looking at it, amazed to her dream come into life. This strong woman, who honestly sometimes terrfies me during her classes and workshops, breaking down in tears, reminds me that as women, and as yogis, we have the power, the strength and the determination to change the world. We have the ability to take her passion, and to take it the slums of the world, and open another human beings heart and mind.

You can order your copy of YogaWoman here and also find information about hosting a screening in your local yoga studio or movie theatre. Jai Ma!

Blessings,
M

remembering 9/11.

We all have our own 9/11 story.

I grew up on Long Island, and was in my senior year of high school. On top of the world. Editor of our school newspaper. Editor of our literary magazine. Applying to colleges far away. Friends with all. Being myself. I thought I had it made.

I was walking to American History II (ironic) when a friend of mine ran down the halls, which were abnormally crowded on this particular day, to our teacher screaming "A plane just hit one of the twin towers!" I remember my teachers face, he was confused, not sure if this was a joke, and looked sick to his stomach. We all shuffled into the classroom and he turned on the news. Sure enough. It happened. As we were watching, the second plane hit. All I can honestly remember is hearing him say "This is the start to a very sick war". I numbly remember eating a bagel during lunch, trying frantically to get in touch with loved ones, but there was no cell phone service.

I can tell you how I came home to see my grandmother crying on the couch. It was her birthday, and her immediate thought was that her grandsons would be drafted for war. I can tell you how I smelled burning bodies and dying flesh, as I lived 60 miles from Manhattan. I can tell you how I didn't sleep for a week, and the slightest overhead noise bought pure panic to my heart. I can tell you I lost people I knew. I can tell you how that one day, bonded millions of humans together, and is a day that continues to do so.

Today, I ask you to sit for a moment and reflect. Think about your story. Where you were. What you were. And where you are now. Take a moment to be grateful for your precious life, and those lives around you. September 11th, 2001 was a day of pain, anger and loss. Make September 11, 2011 a day where you truly reflect on what you want in life, and make it happen. Find a cause. Give back.

Please share your story with me. Share your dreams. Your hopes. Your wishes. Your reflections. Shanti shanti shanti.

Blessings,
M

To you, Creator of nature and humanity,

of truth and beauty, I pray:

Hear my voice,

for it is the voice of the victims of all wars and violence among individuals and nations.

Hear my voice,

for it is the voice of all children who suffer

and will suffer when people put their faith

in weapons and war.

Hear my voice,

when I beg you to instill into the heart

of all human beings, the wisdom of peace,

the strength of justice and the joy of fellowship.

Hear my voice,

for I speak for the multitudes in every country

and every period of history who do not want war

and are ready to walk the road of peace.

Hear my voice,

and grant insight and strength so that we may always

respond to hatred with love, to injustice with total dedication to justice,

to need with sharing of self, to war with peace.

O God, hear my voice,

and grant unto the world your everlasting peace.

- Pope John Paul II

My love affair with the Lotus.

Tomorrow I start my fabulous (& some-what nervewrecking!) 200-hour teacher training journey at the eccentric and soulful Laughing Lotus located here in NYC.

Teacher training has always been a thought in the back of my mind, but with so many studios in the city, and so many brilliant teachers, I didn't just want to settle for a studio, without giving it my heart and soul. Afterall, this was going to be the foundation for growth, movement and where I find myself as a yoga student and eventually, a yoga teacher.

My love affair with the Lotus (as my best friend, G, and I call it) began last spring when I took advantage of their free classes in a nearby park. All I had to do was hear Dana Flynn's voice, and I knew I was hOMe. At this time, I was considering teacher training, but was not so confident with my practice, despite being accepted into ISHTA's 200-hour program, with the mindful Alan Finger. My heart wasn't in it. I wasn't excited. I was too nervous. So, I declined. I then thought about receiving certification from Reflections Yoga and the beautiful Paula Tursi, where I was working as a karmi yoga. But again, something held me back. All this time, I kept 'stalking' the Laughing Lotus website, in awe of their workshops, their devotional classes and their well-known teacher training program. But, that application? Intimidated me. Completely. I would attempt a question and shut down. No thank you. Too hard.

After losing my grandfather in December, I dove into my practice. I began practicing every day, sometimes twice a day. I found myself in my practice, a part of me I thought I had lost. Being part of a New Moon Women's Group, one new moon back in March, I manifested that I would apply to Laughing Lotus. It was on. The next day I purchased my first 30-class card, and began spending one day per question on their application. Eventually, the wisdOM grew, the answers came from my heart, my soul ripped open and my application was completed and it was bright and colorful.

I found myself in their shatki-soaked studio, growing, laughing, crying and finding my true self. Sure, I can't do every inversion, but I always give it a try. Which is what I had to do in this case, so, I submitted the application. I put more time and effort into that application then I had done with any college or grad school application, which is how I knew, yoga and I are meant to be.

It was at Wanderlust in VT, right before a Cosmic Class with Dana when I learned of my acceptance. The class following my acceptance is one I will never forget. It was a rainy week in VT, and in the middle of Dana's juicy class, the sun came out. Everyone cheered, some cried. Dana opened the doors and yogi's began practicing on the deck. Dana pumped up the jams, which ended with a group sing-a-long to Fleetwood Mac (for the record, they are my favourite band, and it was the jam Landslide) and a room filled with love. It was a sign, I truly had never felt more excited for an unknown journey, and never felt more at home then I had in that class.

When I told my current teachers about my journey, they could not have been more then supportive and excited. Just yesterday in Angelina's powerful class, she counted down the days until I begin this journey, and she continues to radiate more excitement then I could have ever expected. And not just Angelina, but to all my teachers, I thank you. For supporting me on this journey, for believing in me, and for gently pushing me into handstand when you know I need it. I forever bow to you. I am forever in debt to your love.

And Laughing Lotus - bring it on. I am ready. Eyes wide open. Heart set to a beginner. Let's start this wild ride!

Peace & om,
m

Having loved enough and lost enough,
I'm no longer searching
just opening,

no longer trying to make sense of pain
but trying to be a soft and sturdy home
in which real things can land.

These are the irritations
that rub into a pearl.

So we can talk for a while
but then we must listen,
the way rocks listen to the sea.

And we can churn at all that goes wrong
but then we must lay all distractions
down and water every living seed.

And yes, on nights like tonight
I too feel alone. But seldom do I
face it squarely enough
to see that it's a door
into the endless breath
that has no breather,
into the surf that human
shells call God.